I recognise myself in what you wrote regarding the need to be productive even when not working now. That was a lesson I had to learn throughout 2023. It still is a lesson for me to learn but I think after a whole year of shaming and pushing myself to work (write job applications) using different strategies to get some outcome and feeling exhausted and burnt out, even if I was not doing paid work, I managed to bring all that awareness training I got from 3 months of meditation practice to "know" how to rest. I think it's a learning journey for many of us to discover how to rest. We aren't taught that.
I was quite sick two weeks before Christmas. What I noticed was the more I thought about work while lying in bed feeling cold even until the thick duvet, the more I felt pain and discomfort in my body. The moment I relaxed my mental grip/focus on "I am sick and this is so annoying that I can't do anything else", I noticed that there was an easing of mental weight on my forehead and immediate sense of my mind relaxing. It was a moment's bliss. And I was back to thinking, noticing and giving up/relaxing my mental grip again and again. I was challenged to practise beginning again.
Sorry to hear that you were ill (there's a lot going around - apparently it's peak flu week here in HK). And you're exactly right, many of us aren't taught how to rest. I guess a lot of it comes from experience and what may help one person rest, may not support someone else. Having said that, a (work) culture of always 'being on' probably doesn't help anyone.
What you share about the mental grip/focus really stands out for me, as this is something that I have found myself in conflict with particularly over the past couple of weeks. Part of me feels that it is normal to want to be productive, but then when you are sick to the point where you can't really do anything then, that same voice shames you. Yet as you highlight, you have to practise relaxing that mental grip. Thanks for sharing.
In between Xmas and New Year, I got the mental energy and space to start reading and one of the books I read was How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60139504-how-to-keep-house-while-drowning. It was a book recommended by a friend on a course. While the context is for tidying house, I found many of the pearls of wisdom, descriptions and approaches to be applicable to other areas in my life which requires constant showing up on a daily or regular basis. One of the things that KC Davis (author) talked about quickly in the beginning of the book is the shame and guilt feelings that comes with not having a tidy and clean house and how we tend to end up doing the work as a result of us bullying ourselves into action. Sounds familiar in how you show up in other areas of your life? 😁 Well for me, it certainly is/was with the way I approached my job/life search + job application production work in 2023.
I can highly recommend reading the book not only if you have a 'thing' about doing housework (or "care tasks" which is what she uses).
Oh, and as a result of reading this book, it made me think if I am neurodivergent in some ways (KC says in her book that she's neurodivergent & I've not been tested for that) and that led me to find new techniques from the neurodivergent communities to try to create systems that work with my brain, and not make my brain work with the system. I feel a lot less guilty now about finding out that some latest self-help technique doesn't sit with me. And now embrace noticing (applying my meditation practice training) and finding (un)orthodox ways to create systems that empower me.
Thanks for book recommendation, I’ve not come across it before. Wow and ‘bullying ourselves into action’ - what a powerful image.
I feel the same in regard to job applications actually too. Before Christmas I narrowed down a bunch of jobs that I saw online (having finished my resume), and thought to myself, I’ll send them after Christmas. I returned from my Christmas trip with the flu but because I had told myself that the plan was to submit the job applications, my brain couldn’t get around the idea of not doing that! Then the shame kicked in. But it did inspire me to start writing this post (although my brain was like mush, so at first it was more random sentences thrown on a page 😂).
Separately but also kinda linked, it’s interesting what you say about how systems don’t necessarily work for some people, especially those who are neurodivergent. But the culture/society often dictates that we need to work around the system. I’d like to think the world is a slightly better and more accommodating place for individuals who are neurodivergent, but there’s a long way to go still!
I hear you on the job applications front. Have same thoughts about finding the jobs that interest me and then dragging my feet or letting some other circumstances to stop me from taking action. And the shame and bullying myself into action kicks in. Repeat loop.
KC has something in the book about creating momentum to find (my) rhythm which I applied in this context. Took some experimenting to see what small things I can do to get going and from there accelerate, like a car entering the highway which is the analogy she used.
One of her suggestions about using a visual timer to visualise time physically to time box the work clicked with me. That let me to see that I actually need to "see" time on an analog face clock to feel grounded, so I ran out to first buy a Time Timer. I could feel a huge mental relief when I used it the first time a few days ago which led me to realize I actually need to see clock time too and I had been missing this and not realising my brain needs it to function! When I lived with my parents, there was always a wall clock in a prominent position in the house which I subconsciously relied on. When I starting living with my partner, we got rid of the analog face clocks bec the ticking sound drove him nuts and he wasn't used to wall or desktop clocks. I didn't know then (> 10 years ago) that I NEEDED this. Anyway I got 2 analog face alarm clocks now: one on the sofa table and another on the desk I use to work (dining table or study room table).
That's a fascinating insight about having an analog clock present. We don't have a clock in our apartment either unless I'm looking at my phone/laptop or my watch, whereas my parents have clocks everywhere in their house! I'm thinking right now of the carriage clock that sits on the fireplace mantel piece.
I am not against them, but I wear a watch as mentioned, but I have only ever had a Casio (I do have a Garmin for running and hiking). I fear that anything more fancy like an Apple Watch would distract me and lead to me feeling less grounded. Funny how we've both come to sort similar conclusions in a roundabout way! Although I may consider getting us a clock for our apartment now.
Sorry to hear you've not been well, Sarah and I really hope you're on the mend soon.
Reading your words about calling in sick to school and how you feel about it are exactly the same for me. My husband often comments that it's more stress to call in sick for teachers than to just go in and work whilst feeling ill. It's true! I've had times where I've dragged myself out of bed at 6am feeling terrible, but needing to call in before the deadline and then spent an hour or more setting suitable work for my classes and also worrying about the extra strain placed on my colleagues having to cover my lessons.
Now that I am 'just' a teacher on my 3 days, I get put on quite a lot of cover (and I only have 3/18 lessons 'free' for prep time across those days). When I see a cover email in my inbox, my heart sinks and I know that the time will be lost to an hour of babysitting. I've also covered too many lessons in the last term where there was either minimal work set or even nothing at all. Not great when you've got 25 rowdy 15 year olds in front of you and they don't know who you are... "Are you new, Miss?" they snigger.
I think my husband and yours are on the same page! The additional stress of planning work when you're sick was sometimes ridiculous, and then feeling like you need to be 'on call' via your email. That last bit I did to myself admittedly, I should have just not responded. It makes your mind boggle. And the amount of prep time you (don't) have is insane!
Thank you - yes, feeling a lot better than I did this time last week. Still lacking energy, but small steps.
I recognise myself in what you wrote regarding the need to be productive even when not working now. That was a lesson I had to learn throughout 2023. It still is a lesson for me to learn but I think after a whole year of shaming and pushing myself to work (write job applications) using different strategies to get some outcome and feeling exhausted and burnt out, even if I was not doing paid work, I managed to bring all that awareness training I got from 3 months of meditation practice to "know" how to rest. I think it's a learning journey for many of us to discover how to rest. We aren't taught that.
I was quite sick two weeks before Christmas. What I noticed was the more I thought about work while lying in bed feeling cold even until the thick duvet, the more I felt pain and discomfort in my body. The moment I relaxed my mental grip/focus on "I am sick and this is so annoying that I can't do anything else", I noticed that there was an easing of mental weight on my forehead and immediate sense of my mind relaxing. It was a moment's bliss. And I was back to thinking, noticing and giving up/relaxing my mental grip again and again. I was challenged to practise beginning again.
Sorry to hear that you were ill (there's a lot going around - apparently it's peak flu week here in HK). And you're exactly right, many of us aren't taught how to rest. I guess a lot of it comes from experience and what may help one person rest, may not support someone else. Having said that, a (work) culture of always 'being on' probably doesn't help anyone.
What you share about the mental grip/focus really stands out for me, as this is something that I have found myself in conflict with particularly over the past couple of weeks. Part of me feels that it is normal to want to be productive, but then when you are sick to the point where you can't really do anything then, that same voice shames you. Yet as you highlight, you have to practise relaxing that mental grip. Thanks for sharing.
In between Xmas and New Year, I got the mental energy and space to start reading and one of the books I read was How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60139504-how-to-keep-house-while-drowning. It was a book recommended by a friend on a course. While the context is for tidying house, I found many of the pearls of wisdom, descriptions and approaches to be applicable to other areas in my life which requires constant showing up on a daily or regular basis. One of the things that KC Davis (author) talked about quickly in the beginning of the book is the shame and guilt feelings that comes with not having a tidy and clean house and how we tend to end up doing the work as a result of us bullying ourselves into action. Sounds familiar in how you show up in other areas of your life? 😁 Well for me, it certainly is/was with the way I approached my job/life search + job application production work in 2023.
I can highly recommend reading the book not only if you have a 'thing' about doing housework (or "care tasks" which is what she uses).
Oh, and as a result of reading this book, it made me think if I am neurodivergent in some ways (KC says in her book that she's neurodivergent & I've not been tested for that) and that led me to find new techniques from the neurodivergent communities to try to create systems that work with my brain, and not make my brain work with the system. I feel a lot less guilty now about finding out that some latest self-help technique doesn't sit with me. And now embrace noticing (applying my meditation practice training) and finding (un)orthodox ways to create systems that empower me.
Thanks for book recommendation, I’ve not come across it before. Wow and ‘bullying ourselves into action’ - what a powerful image.
I feel the same in regard to job applications actually too. Before Christmas I narrowed down a bunch of jobs that I saw online (having finished my resume), and thought to myself, I’ll send them after Christmas. I returned from my Christmas trip with the flu but because I had told myself that the plan was to submit the job applications, my brain couldn’t get around the idea of not doing that! Then the shame kicked in. But it did inspire me to start writing this post (although my brain was like mush, so at first it was more random sentences thrown on a page 😂).
Separately but also kinda linked, it’s interesting what you say about how systems don’t necessarily work for some people, especially those who are neurodivergent. But the culture/society often dictates that we need to work around the system. I’d like to think the world is a slightly better and more accommodating place for individuals who are neurodivergent, but there’s a long way to go still!
I hear you on the job applications front. Have same thoughts about finding the jobs that interest me and then dragging my feet or letting some other circumstances to stop me from taking action. And the shame and bullying myself into action kicks in. Repeat loop.
KC has something in the book about creating momentum to find (my) rhythm which I applied in this context. Took some experimenting to see what small things I can do to get going and from there accelerate, like a car entering the highway which is the analogy she used.
One of her suggestions about using a visual timer to visualise time physically to time box the work clicked with me. That let me to see that I actually need to "see" time on an analog face clock to feel grounded, so I ran out to first buy a Time Timer. I could feel a huge mental relief when I used it the first time a few days ago which led me to realize I actually need to see clock time too and I had been missing this and not realising my brain needs it to function! When I lived with my parents, there was always a wall clock in a prominent position in the house which I subconsciously relied on. When I starting living with my partner, we got rid of the analog face clocks bec the ticking sound drove him nuts and he wasn't used to wall or desktop clocks. I didn't know then (> 10 years ago) that I NEEDED this. Anyway I got 2 analog face alarm clocks now: one on the sofa table and another on the desk I use to work (dining table or study room table).
That's a fascinating insight about having an analog clock present. We don't have a clock in our apartment either unless I'm looking at my phone/laptop or my watch, whereas my parents have clocks everywhere in their house! I'm thinking right now of the carriage clock that sits on the fireplace mantel piece.
I am not against them, but I wear a watch as mentioned, but I have only ever had a Casio (I do have a Garmin for running and hiking). I fear that anything more fancy like an Apple Watch would distract me and lead to me feeling less grounded. Funny how we've both come to sort similar conclusions in a roundabout way! Although I may consider getting us a clock for our apartment now.
Sorry to hear you've not been well, Sarah and I really hope you're on the mend soon.
Reading your words about calling in sick to school and how you feel about it are exactly the same for me. My husband often comments that it's more stress to call in sick for teachers than to just go in and work whilst feeling ill. It's true! I've had times where I've dragged myself out of bed at 6am feeling terrible, but needing to call in before the deadline and then spent an hour or more setting suitable work for my classes and also worrying about the extra strain placed on my colleagues having to cover my lessons.
Now that I am 'just' a teacher on my 3 days, I get put on quite a lot of cover (and I only have 3/18 lessons 'free' for prep time across those days). When I see a cover email in my inbox, my heart sinks and I know that the time will be lost to an hour of babysitting. I've also covered too many lessons in the last term where there was either minimal work set or even nothing at all. Not great when you've got 25 rowdy 15 year olds in front of you and they don't know who you are... "Are you new, Miss?" they snigger.
I think my husband and yours are on the same page! The additional stress of planning work when you're sick was sometimes ridiculous, and then feeling like you need to be 'on call' via your email. That last bit I did to myself admittedly, I should have just not responded. It makes your mind boggle. And the amount of prep time you (don't) have is insane!
Thank you - yes, feeling a lot better than I did this time last week. Still lacking energy, but small steps.