Thoughts of home
Decluttering and getting lost down rabbit holes
Hello and happy Wednesday!
I’ve been thinking a lot about home recently, and the theme of home.
For a little context, I left the UK for work (and for a relationship but that’s a whole other story for another time) 12 years ago this summer. But I recently spent two weeks staying in my parent’s home for some post-Christmas celebrations as I spent actual Christmas with my husband’s family.
During each visit to see my parents, I also attempt to chip away at some of the contents in the boxes of stuff that I left behind a couple of decades ago - things that I re-homed in either the loft or at the back of a couple of my parent’s wardrobes.
This week’s post is about some of the stuff I have unearthed, and my attachment to them. Thanks for being here, and I hope that you enjoy it.
When I first moved of my parent’s house in my early 20s, I left behind a lot of stuff.
The stuff could be broadly categorised into:
Electronics - CDs, DVDs, floppy disks (!) and my stereo system that still works 20+ years on.
‘Important’ paperwork - bank stuff, DVLA/tax documents, and so on1.
Furniture - I have some beautiful antique pieces that were gifted to me from both sets of grandparents. All of this still lives in my parents home.
Sentimental things for me and/or my parents - childhood toys, books, school work/reports, treasured gifts from relatives, and boxes and boxes of photos.
And finally, there was the weird sub-category of things that I don’t think I need again/won’t use again, but can’t seem to throw out - I am not sure when I am going to wear a too-small, riddled with holes jumper from the Sweater Shop2 circa 1992, let alone some crusty old costume jewellery that I bought from Miss Selfridge3 for my secondary school prom. But for some reason I am strangely attached and I can’t seem to throw this stuff out.
However, following some not-so subtle requests over the years from my parents to look through my stuff, I thought it best to start the decluttering process. So, now on each visit, I set aside some time, put on a podcast, and make semi-organised piles of things to keep, throw out/recycle, or take to the charity shop.
I can see why some people see cleaning, and decluttering as a therapeutic process, or may even find it spiritual in some way. For example, within Buddhism the term sensual attachments/pleasures is seen as a basic human trait and refers to things that we cling to/desire where we find satisfaction e.g., eating, sex, and this can include objects. However, these sensual attachments/pleasures are also a source of suffering as we may become absorbed with seeking certain sensual attachments or sources of pleasure, and this could even lead us to commit immoral (and illegal) acts to obtain them.
I can relate to the idea that by removing certain items from your life, you could feel psychologically/emotionally lighter as a result - by decluttering the items in my parents home, I not only found the process refreshing, but also reduced the levels of suffering for my parents by creating some space!
In a similar vein, I am sure many of you will be familiar with Marie Kondo and the magic of cleaning. I remember watching a few episodes of her show on Netflix when it was released, but I lost interest quickly as I was less convinced by one of the key messages from the KonMari Method4 (it has a trademark?) - focusing on keeping things that spark joy.
I am not against keeping items that do spark joy, or joy more generally. I am no Scrooge. But what became apparent on my recent trip and during the decluttering process was that while there wasn’t that much stuff left to clear out, the items that remained evoked a whole spectrum of emotions; from surprise, sadness, apprehension, sometimes even frustration, and joy.
Here are some examples of items that I unboxed on my recent trip:
I mean, how could I throw out those swimming badges, or that Care Bears magazine? And rather than disposing of the Girls Aloud keyring, you’ll be pleased to know that it now has a home on a set of keys for my parents front door. (You’re welcome, mum!). Okay, the Dawson’s Creek disc was an exception and duly thrown away, as a) I don’t own a DVD player anymore, and b) I have no idea why I have just one disc with Pacey’s weird goatee on the front5.
In one of the boxes, I also came across a photo album that had been created by a dear friend and ex-colleague when I left my last UK teaching job to move abroad. I had forgotten all about it. The album was incredibly touching; my friend had gone to the effort of asking my then-colleagues and students to write leaving notes, and had even printed off photos from various events.
But in all honesty the album also left me experiencing the spectrum of emotions I mentioned earlier. Firstly, the album contained a couple of photos of the person I was in a relationship with when I left the UK (weird to revisit, but again it reminded me of being in a different time, and of being a different me). And secondly, some years ago, I went through a difficult period with the friend who made the album. While we were able to reconcile, there is a lot that has never been discussed between us from during the time, and it probably never will be.
To an outsider, my attachment to certain objects may seem odd, or even as though I may be stuck in the past. Yet, I am also not sure whether I would want to remove all sensual attachments/pleasures from my life. But then I could be missing the point of the intention of the Buddhist principles (and separately, the magic of cleaning related to Kondo’s philosophy).
And coming to the end of this decade-plus decluttering process has made me realise something. By holding onto some of my old stuff, I am able to revisit my past, much like falling down a rabbit hole. And even though some of my memories and emotions may be complicated, I still don’t want to forget about them. Plus, I’ve also come to the conclusion there’s always room to revaluate the emotions we attach to the objects and attachments in question anyway.
So, while I continue to mull this over, I guess that I had better make a start on some decluttering in my new home…
Thanks for reading, and have a great week!
If you are interested in reading a little more about research that has explored the connection between our belongings and attachment, then this Scientific American article is a great place to find out more.
Obviously not that important given that I boxed it up and left it behind.
RIP.
I was about to add RIP for this too, but discovered that Miss Selfridge is now owned by ASOS.
And anyway, I’ve already failed with Kondo’s approach given that it’s taken me a decade-plus to go through the boxes. She recommends doing everything in one go as this will lead to greater levels of tranquility, rather than ‘intermittent decluttering’, which I assume will lead to greater levels of chaos!
Apologies to whoever bought the rest of the boxset from the charity shop a few years ago!