I've just read your post and your phrase 'be micro ambitious' is fantastic! I do like a spreadsheet, being able to log progress for things works as a great motivator. A few more weeks on from when you first published your piece, how are the micro goals going?
What you have written resonates with me about goals and signing up for programs where I/each participant is supposed to have a goal (I call these accountability structure programs).
1) my then-undistinguished conversations about goals in general;
2) how I have been being around goals that have me resisting taking action and being upset, guilty, blame when I don't get what "I want";
3) a possibility of a new approach/frame of mind when embarking on new endeavours combined with some of the ideas from the book I recommended in your previous post KC Davis' How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizinghttps://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60139504-how-to-keep-house-while-drowning
About my conversations about goals, they occur for me as fixed and rigid (pass-fail nature), which brings back my body and mental experience of taking exams in primary school and getting the grades from the teacher. "If I reach the goal (get the expected test score), yay, I passed (succeeded at getting the expected test score)!" "If I don't reach the goal, I failed! I am lousy. I am stupid. I am bad. Something is wrong with me." I resist setting goals to avoid experiencing that "failure" experience which then leads to I don't always get what I want in life. Sometimes I get what I want but it's random, letting life happen to me, rather than for me. There's no velocity and power in the actions I take and I am at the effect of circumstances.
So from Annie Duke's book, what I can see to take on are:
1) Set intermediate goals and prioritise goals that allow me to see progress along the way or acquire something valuable even if I don't reach the goal.
2) Balance between the benefits I am trying to gain against the costs I'm willing to bear.
3) Have kill/quit criteria for what I do. Example: I will stop Swedish language lessons when I find myself being able to have everyday casual conversations with the neighbours and able to read the cultural section in the local newspaper.
4) Identify and tackle the "unknowns" first (what I don't know how to do or don't have enough information) to figure out if the thing is worth doing.
All the above sounds great and big steps to take, so from KC's book, I'm identifying smallest possible actions to take that help me create momentum to find my rhythm, instead of creating a structure/system (schedule) first. That is what I have tended to do and when I don't follow the structure I enter another conversation of blaming and shaming myself on top of the conversation about not achieving the goal. So far, this has worked out well for me in the context of writing job applications (resume and cover letter). I noticed that I have a lot less resistance to being in action and a lot less conversations with myself.
Thanks for another book recommendation, added to my list!
And thanks also for distilling some of Duke's advice from her book. I really like the idea of having kill/quit criteria, and had never thought about something like that before. I have tended to operate with a sunk cost mentality about many goals i.e., 'I have started, so I will finish', even when whatever I am doing really doesn't work for me anymore.
Having said that, that mentality partly stems from not thinking enough about the unknowns, something else you highlight. There are many things that we cannot account for (other people's behaviour for one), but we can at the very least roughly outline some of the unknowns related to what information we do have, or if there are avenues where we can gain some more information. It's like we are constantly in a state of data acquisition, but that also includes when we stop to take a bit more notice about what information we are taking in, and responding to.
If you want something fast to learn from Annie Duke's book, listen to this podcast where she shares some of the key suggestions she has written in her book. It was from listening to this podcast that I remembered to read her book:
Thanks for the mention, Sarah, and I'm looking forward to chatting next week. I've mostly given up on big goals and now just focus on small, short term 'hopes'. I've definitely found that things happen more organically that way!
Well said on the Big Goal front, there's nothing like a huge target to slow down progress! 👏
I prefer the Micro Goal approach, here's a post I wrote about it:
https://open.substack.com/pub/katedarracott/p/substack-1-monthiversary-hip-hip?r=1nkhs2&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
The journey is so much more fun and puts you in a far better head space, give it a go! 👏
I've just read your post and your phrase 'be micro ambitious' is fantastic! I do like a spreadsheet, being able to log progress for things works as a great motivator. A few more weeks on from when you first published your piece, how are the micro goals going?
They are ticking along nicely, in fact I’ve just updated them, and another cell has gone green, denoting a micro goal reached! 🥳👏
I will probably do another update post at 3 months, so watch that space. 😃
Thanks for sharing your post, Kate - got this saved to read later on today.
And I totally agree, having smaller or micro goals as well as feeling more manageable can certainly make things more fun too :)
What you have written resonates with me about goals and signing up for programs where I/each participant is supposed to have a goal (I call these accountability structure programs).
A few weeks ago, I read a book called Quit by Annie Duke https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60097435-quit which opened up my mind on
1) my then-undistinguished conversations about goals in general;
2) how I have been being around goals that have me resisting taking action and being upset, guilty, blame when I don't get what "I want";
3) a possibility of a new approach/frame of mind when embarking on new endeavours combined with some of the ideas from the book I recommended in your previous post KC Davis' How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizinghttps://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60139504-how-to-keep-house-while-drowning
About my conversations about goals, they occur for me as fixed and rigid (pass-fail nature), which brings back my body and mental experience of taking exams in primary school and getting the grades from the teacher. "If I reach the goal (get the expected test score), yay, I passed (succeeded at getting the expected test score)!" "If I don't reach the goal, I failed! I am lousy. I am stupid. I am bad. Something is wrong with me." I resist setting goals to avoid experiencing that "failure" experience which then leads to I don't always get what I want in life. Sometimes I get what I want but it's random, letting life happen to me, rather than for me. There's no velocity and power in the actions I take and I am at the effect of circumstances.
So from Annie Duke's book, what I can see to take on are:
1) Set intermediate goals and prioritise goals that allow me to see progress along the way or acquire something valuable even if I don't reach the goal.
2) Balance between the benefits I am trying to gain against the costs I'm willing to bear.
3) Have kill/quit criteria for what I do. Example: I will stop Swedish language lessons when I find myself being able to have everyday casual conversations with the neighbours and able to read the cultural section in the local newspaper.
4) Identify and tackle the "unknowns" first (what I don't know how to do or don't have enough information) to figure out if the thing is worth doing.
All the above sounds great and big steps to take, so from KC's book, I'm identifying smallest possible actions to take that help me create momentum to find my rhythm, instead of creating a structure/system (schedule) first. That is what I have tended to do and when I don't follow the structure I enter another conversation of blaming and shaming myself on top of the conversation about not achieving the goal. So far, this has worked out well for me in the context of writing job applications (resume and cover letter). I noticed that I have a lot less resistance to being in action and a lot less conversations with myself.
Thanks for another book recommendation, added to my list!
And thanks also for distilling some of Duke's advice from her book. I really like the idea of having kill/quit criteria, and had never thought about something like that before. I have tended to operate with a sunk cost mentality about many goals i.e., 'I have started, so I will finish', even when whatever I am doing really doesn't work for me anymore.
Having said that, that mentality partly stems from not thinking enough about the unknowns, something else you highlight. There are many things that we cannot account for (other people's behaviour for one), but we can at the very least roughly outline some of the unknowns related to what information we do have, or if there are avenues where we can gain some more information. It's like we are constantly in a state of data acquisition, but that also includes when we stop to take a bit more notice about what information we are taking in, and responding to.
If you want something fast to learn from Annie Duke's book, listen to this podcast where she shares some of the key suggestions she has written in her book. It was from listening to this podcast that I remembered to read her book:
https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5zaW1wbGVjYXN0LmNvbS9henkzM0c4Xw/episode/YjQ0ZTFlZmYtNTA1NC00ZDAwLWJiODctOThlYzBlMzcyNmZm?ep=14
I'll check it out thanks :)
Thanks for the mention, Sarah, and I'm looking forward to chatting next week. I've mostly given up on big goals and now just focus on small, short term 'hopes'. I've definitely found that things happen more organically that way!
Me too! Will be in touch about the Team ls link.
I love the idea of hopes, it feels positive and reassuring rather than weirdly nebulous!
I feel I need to live more in the right now rather than the what is next! It’s draining and you miss out on all the good things happening right now!