My Third Place

And a home away from home

Hello and Happy Wednesday!

I am in the UK for the next few weeks visiting friends and family, and although my mum has differing views to me on this one differing views, I am absolutely loving the autumnal weather (jumpers and jeans, check check!).

My mum and I have also been going through a box of old photos that once belonged to my nan and grandad. In amongst one of the packs, I found this. It was taken at Universal Studios in Florida… I think I must have been 14 here.

I don’t recall there being a Jaws film with hmm… a Landshark in it, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, this post is not about the weather or sharks, instead, it’s about a place that means a great deal to me back in Hong Kong.

I hope that you like it.

Take care,

Sarah

And if you would prefer to listen to this piece, here is the audio:

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Photo by Daniel L on Unsplash

23/08/24

I am sat in my favourite cafe, which is a two-minute walk from my apartment building. It’s my go-to place when I want somewhere to relax, do some reading, or complete some work. Plus, the staff are wonderful and they have a delicious tea selection.

However, the cafe does hold some odd memories for me, particularly from during the pandemic. Unlike many other places around the world, Hong Kong did not have a sweeping lockdown where people were confined to their property for long periods¹. When restrictions were first introduced in early 2020, my husband and I were living in a one-bedroom apartment (not uncommon in Hong Kong). After a few weeks of trying to navigate teaching online (me) and holding meetings (him), we began to alternate between using the bedroom and our living room depending on our work schedule. Whoever pulled the short straw and got the bedroom was also required to work on a tiny IKEA table that we usually kept on our balcony. Not ideal, but we made it work (and our relationship survived too!).

Still, at times I was desperate for an escape. Escape from being sat at my laptop for the best part of eight hours a day, and if I am honest an escape from a sense that the walls were closing in around me. So, when I had finished teaching for the day or had a free period, I would often head down to the cafe to grab a cup of tea. At other times, I did stay to complete some work. And I confess, I did teach the odd lesson from there, but that was before we upgraded our home WIFI. So until then there were times that either my husband or I had to work outside of the apartment out of necessity.

I know, here I am complaining about finding escape from my perfectly pleasant apartment when other people had it much worse during this time, and perhaps didn’t have this opportunity. All I can say is that we all had to establish our own ways of coping during this period.

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My cafe

Shortly after I arrived at the cafe, I was chatting with one of the staff and she said that there had been some problems with the landlord. On-going issues with the air conditioning units had resulted in a stale-mate. The landlord was refusing to pay to have these replaced, while the cafe’s owner argued that the building maintenance, including the air con was the landlord’s responsibility. Then, the staff member dropped a bomb. As a result of the drama, the cafe owner was considering moving out.

Immediately, I felt my stomach drop. My cafe, my cafe… to move!?

It then hit me how important the place was to me. And while I recognised that I would probably find somewhere else to go, the mere possibility of it moving left me feeling bereft!

I tried to put the conversation to the back of my mind and get on with some work. And the work did prove to be a good distraction as before I knew it an hour had passed.

I looked up.

It was now lunchtime and the cafe was buzzing. On the table next to me were four women with sharing starters, across the way was a couple sat with their new baby, in the corner was a woman I recognised from around the neighbourhood reading a book, and opposite her were an older couple discussing what to have off the menu (I assume this as they were speaking in Cantonese!).

It felt like a community within a community.

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Third Places

This sense of community reminded me of the concept of ‘third places’, coined by the sociologist Ray Oldenburg.

According to Oldenburg, third places are where people can gather and interact outside of their home (first place), and work (second place). Third places:

…host the regular, voluntary, informal, and happily anticipated gatherings of individuals beyond the realms of home and work².

Besides cafes, other examples of third places include: shopping centres, pubs, and your local library, essentially anywhere that is a “public place on neutral ground”. (I am now picturing being sat in a beer garden in the UK during the summer time!).

Crucially, Oldenburg believed that third places were vital for a thriving community as they promote social equity and can offer social and psychological support. And this is something that comes to my mind when I see headlines about the ‘death of the high street’. Of course, this isn’t just a UK-specific phenomenon, or a consequence of the pandemic, but the closure of third places such as shops doesn’t just hit the local economy, it can affect the social fabric of a place.

(I could write here about the insane commercial rental prices in Hong Kong that may have pushed both the landlord and the cafe owner into the stale-mate, but that’s probably best saved for another day - or not!)

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One week later…

Can you guess where I am?

Yep, sat in the cafe. Got my favourite tea (mango and bergamot). Plus, this wonderful song has just started playing. (I have goosebumps).

It’s not quite lunchtime so the place is quiet. When I arrived, the manager popped over to say hello. The air con is still not working properly, but the cafe’s owner has decided to sort it out themselves. They’ve paid for a team to install new units and they are currently waiting on approval from a government agency to confirm that ‘yes, it can be turned on.’

For selfish reasons, I am relieved about this, but I as I look around, I know that it wouldn’t just be me who would be sad if the place had to move.

I haven’t shared this newsletter with anyone at the cafe, but this is dedicated to the hard-working team there.

Do you have any third places? A cafe, the gym, or your local park? Do they provide you with social and psychological support?

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Coming up next week:

• 18th September - I am a big fan of black and white photography, and a couple of months ago, I visited an exhibition displaying just that. So, in next week’s post there will be some examples of the images exhibited.

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Finally, if you like what you see at the The Best of Intentions, it helps tremendously when you give the heart a squeeze, share the piece with one of your mates, or leave a comment (I read and reply to all - a great joy!). Thank you 😉

1. If you tested positive for COVID (or were suspected in many cases), it was a little more complicated than this, and there were quarantine centres. And over the course of two-plus years, there were various incarnations of social-distancing measures in place when you went to a cafe or restaurant for example.

2. Taken from Project for Public Spaces.